You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I looked at my own cervix.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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