She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
