remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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