Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
