i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize