goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
