So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
