return my video game
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
