all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
