i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my shit smells like andre
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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