Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
