he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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