Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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