bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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