I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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