I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
birth control should be required to get into college
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
