he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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