Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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