bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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