I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
