hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
