im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My life is pants optional.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
