I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
