no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
