um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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