Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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