Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
