walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work