I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.