i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.