Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast