I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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