There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
