and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My ass is underappreciated
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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