it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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