Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When are your genitals available?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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