She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
