I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
