just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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