I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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