i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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