i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
