i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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