Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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