i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
