Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
