i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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