i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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