I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
