we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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