Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
