Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
