A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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