When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
