We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
