Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
