Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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