Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
