i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
