Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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