He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
