Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
