During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
