I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
