I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
