i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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