Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
