just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
