i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
