i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
