So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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