'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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