everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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