How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
