just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
