please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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