She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
