do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
