How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
