Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
