Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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