Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
