I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
