He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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