new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You took a bar mat shot.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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