he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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