I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
