They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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